So you're not a "10" in every which way. But you're probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life. If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up seeking sex in houston being human, it is now. Verified by Psychology Today. Living Single. Posted Aug 12, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. Reddit thre can be quite misogynistic.
The question about men staying single attracted plenty of comments that were free of bigotry but also pulled in nuggets like these:. So back to my question. What would you do if you came across this thread? Find it amusing and keep reading? Leave immediately? Professor Menelaos Apostolou of the University of Nicosia in Cyprus thought the Reddit thread provided serious scientific evidence relevant to the question of pakistani girls on date men stay single.
The answer he expected to find came from his evolutionary perspective: In the past, marriages were arranged, so men did not have to have any social skills to have a mate. Evidence from Reddit.
That was it. Did the really show that men generally do not want to be single? To come up with his 43 of reasons for being single, the author and his research team imposed their own order on the Reddit responses. Apostolou did not use any statistical techniques to try to determine objectively beautiful couple searching nsa lexington kentucky many 50 plus dating sa he really did have.
Looking a bit more closely at the list of reasons, I noticed other indicating that some men want to be single. Adding those to the who said they were not interested in relationships gives us a total of comments from men who seem to want to be single. That comes in a close second to the who cited poor looks.
I kept looking at the list. At least for the moment, they are not trying to become unsingle. If we add them to thewe would have responses, and all of a sudden, the 1 reason for being single would be that the men want to be single. Other could have been combined, too, leading syria free still other conclusions. Apostolou sees the 43 reasons he describes as the real reasons single men stay single. There are two problems with this: 1 They may not be the real reasons.
pakistani girls on date In serious scientific research, participants provide answers independently of everyone else, so that they are providing their answers, uninfluenced by what other people think.
Even in the best online forums, free of misogyny or singlism or any other bigotry, it is impossible for anyone but the very first person to participate without seeing what others are thinking. Reddit, of course, is not the best of forums. That might just be me in denial, but I legitimately don't try. I make no efforts to not be single. And even if they all tried to be serious and meet kidderminster girl in kidderminster not to be influenced by the other people, it is extraordinarily unlikely that they succeeded.
More than a half-century of research on social influence demonstrates that people can be influenced even by very subtle psychological dynamics. Again, decades of careful research have shown that people are not always aware of the psychological forces influencing their lives.
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Apostolou waves away that concern. By his own coding, that comes in at 5th place. Apostolou mentioned all those other factors in his summary; he omitted the more important factor of a lack of interest in relationships. The author did the same thing when he got to the end of his article—the discussion section. He opened with a one-paragraph summary of the 43 reasons why men are single. He mentioned poor looks, bad flirting skills, and low effort.
He also mentioned a variety of other factors, including the one that ranked 42, dead last except for a miscellaneous category. He also mentioned the 40th most-popular reason. My guess is that Apostolou cannot fathom that single men would actually want to be single. Never kirtland nm sex dating does he acknowledge what makes single life so meaningful to so many people.
For example, he does not mention that single people do more to maintain their bonds with friends, neighbors, parents, and siblings than married people do. He does not acknowledge the psychological benefits that solitude can bring. He is not going to tell you that when people marry, they typically do not become lastingly happier, and he certainly is not going to let you know that the most recent, most sophisticated studies show that people who marry in some ways become less healthy than they were when they were old woman date.
It is a common misunderstanding. In my discussionI draw heavily from a sophisticated consideration of the issue by Elizabeth Pillsworth and Martie Haselton. Even for men who do not want to be single, there are reasons that this paper never acknowledges. You have a tiny penis. You have no social skills. Or it is structural. They are factors that can make it challenging even for the most attractive, socially skilled man who is good at flirting to find a mate.
He has an entire paragraph, complete with references, about its varying importance over time. For example, citing dating scammer list ghana own study of penis size, he argues that penis size did not matter in pre-industrial societies where men did not get to choose their mates.
Ideally, sweeping statements about what single men are like should be based on representative samples of single men.
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Short of that, we want to know the demographic profile of the participants, so we can know who they are. People decided for themselves whether they wanted to add a comment to the Reddit thread.
Also, Apostolou never acknowledges the issues with Reddit that I described in the first section of this post. As a social scientist, I am embarrassed that Evolutionary Psychological Science published the study. I am appalled that this study is now considered part of the scientific literature on single men. When scholars search the relevant databases, this hot mess will show up as a peer-reviewed journal article.
As a single person, and as someone who has been trying for decades to push back, with good data, against the demeaning of single people that I call singlismI am livid. The publication of this study, along with the press date cape town, has given countless reporters permission to write articles putting down single men, under lonely woman seeking sex sterling heights cover of science.
And so we see headlines and articles describing single men as ugly, awkward, fat, bald, deficient, and sad. The study, with all the attention it is getting, is poisoning our cultural narratives. It is getting noticed by real single people, who are at risk of internalizing it as scientific evidence that being single means that there is something wrong with them. To Menelaos Apostolou and his publisher, this is probably all just academic.
To real-life single people, it is not.
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